Clutter Control

Clutter. It is my mortal enemy, and yet it seems to creep back into even the most organized of our lives, doesn’t it?

I try to wipe down the countertops every night, clearing them to at least trick my brain into believing that I have some sort of control over the chaos that is currently living with two littles. It works, until I have to find something in the bottom of a junk drawer and I come to face to face with all of the crap I have thrown there over the past several months. This always summons the purge.

Not Really There (F*@% You Alzheimer’s)

I see my grandpa, but he is not really there.

I can hold his hand and touch his warm forehead.

I can give him comfort, but he cannot return the favor.

Sometimes he knows me and my children.

Other times, he asks when I will graduate high school.

My Summer Patio

Every day this summer I have been spending about 20 or 30 minutes outside on the back patio just before work starts around noon. The two lane highway that our townhouse backs up to is closed for the whole next year, and there is zero traffic out there, other than the occasional turn around or mail truck. It is absolutely serene each morning. Other than the country road, there is a sprawling cornfield, birds, and animals scampering about. I get a small dose of vitamin D as I sit back and relax, listening to some songs on my phone and pretending I am at the beach, minus the sand in my suit.

Sticky Sweet Lollipops

Toddlers always smell sticky sweet, like an old lollipop. Occasionally after a nice long bath and that baby-scented bedtime lotion, a flicker of baby giggles flits into my memory and we snuggle up close before bedtime. I loved having my babies, but I do not miss actually having young babies. I may be in the minority, but I sure do favor the sweet innocence and simultaneous, often challenging beginnings of independence that bubble up as little children grow into bigger ones. Don’t get me wrong. Toddlers are frustrating and beyond exhausting. They are also hilarious and excited by everything. Every single thing is brand new and so as a result, you get to experience the newness right alongside them. Holidays become more than just another day on the calendar. First times of each new experience are captured religiously with cameras as we try to sear these memories in our brains for the future. Shall I go on?

Think It Over

What sets your soul ablaze? Do you even know? Have you spent purposeful time thinking about it or are you too tired with the daily demands of your life to even ponder such a topic? Is our purpose here on earth to live, pay bills, and die? What are you really good at… does that line up with what interests you? Are you afraid of change? If so, why? What do you really, I mean really, want in this life? What is important to you? Not your friends or family, YOU.

These questions have been floating around in my mind this week as I have been helping my mom recently with exploring the possibility of a new career path. She has been at her current job for 38 years. Thirty-eight years at the same employer. Not long ago, this was a common occurrence. Nowadays, you would be hard pressed to find someone in my generation that has stayed with the same employer (even if promoted or serving in various roles throughout their time there) for more than several years in a row.

No Judgement Here

Perfect parents do not exist. They are a myth that we compare ourselves to when coming to terms with our own shortcomings. Whether we think about it often or not, we continually compare ourselves to our friends’ parenting styles, in an effort to identify and define our own selves in relation to them. It is a normal thing for our brains to do, identify similarities and differences in order to organize people and things into meaningful groups. Us and them. Same or Different. Totally normal, but important to note that although this is a normal phenomenon, it is not always healthy.

Published

I got my first piece published this month. I almost cried. It was so cool to see my words and name in physical print before me. Accomplishing this little feat has fueled the tiny sparks that are increasingly becoming real and palpable goals.

Epic Failure

I failed at something today.

It wasn’t a huge, giant F-up. It didn’t affect my daily life. It was not known by many. Nevertheless, I know.